rollin. rollin. rollin on a river…

Ok, finding the easiest, most comfortable hair curling system has been an ongoing back-burner project for me for like forever. Baby jesus in the manger didn’t see fit to give me the bouncy red curls I obviously should have had, so this is the burden I bear.

Ive tried them all, and the best system yet by far is the overnight foam rollers with a few modifications. Classic pink spongy ones are perfect, but I take out the pokey plastic bits and replace them with strips of cut T-shirt material to tie. Super comfy to sleep in. Add one of those airy, lacey sleep caps to keep your hair from getting frizzy while you roll around, or not if it makes you feel like an old lady.

I never roll them shower-wet because it doesn’t completely dry and if it doesn’t completely dry, you have utterly wasted your time. I do shower at night, so it’s this silly system of shower cap to keep it dry, then brush out and manually wet just the ends before rolling. I use 6-8 rollers. The diameter makes a HUGE difference- standard rollers give you curls, large 1.5” rollers give you lovely, intentional waves. I like to only roll them up to my chin or so, easier to flat iron out the inevitable weird sleep bumps by my part.

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caractacus potts

The thing about houseplants is, they have these little pots. Like outfits, except once they’re in, they should stay put. You gotta like em, they gotta match the room, yknow? I looked for weeks online- even the cute sites like Etsy, and didn’t find a single one I liked. so I made some…

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The patchworky-looking one is just my fabric scrap bin modgepodged onto a plastic terra cotta looking pot. I would have preferred ceramic, but with two kids I thought I would play it safe with plastic fakes. The book page pots are both made from a vintage copy of wizard of oz that recently fell completely to bits on us. The knitted and crocheted ones are both just lightly hot glued on. I just winged it with the crochet, measuring as I went on the pot itself and adding a couple increases every other row for shaping. I didn’t do any shape by with the knitted one, just cast on 30 with bulky yarn and size 13 dpn’s and went until it reached the top. The knit had enough stretch in it that it didn’t really need any increases for shape.

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my journal

My journals have been a work in progress for over 4 years now. I loved writing little notes from the day on Dotty’s “first year” calendar when she was a baby- the stickers, the doodles, the captured moments. When I ran out of calendar, I wanted to keep documenting my experiences as a mother in the same way, so I started journaling. I was also inspired by the words of JR the last time I saw him, and the only time I saw him after we both had become parents. He told me to write something every single day, even just a sentence. It just all goes by so fast (and you yourself are running to keep up with it) that the individual moments get lost. He was so right.

So I started my journals. I’ve always been a fanatic list maker, and at the time, I was (and ever am) trying to get off my phone, so the bullet journal model really appealed to me- having a physical place to put absolutely everything. I loved looking up different formats and layouts on pinterest and trying them out, seeing what fit, what helped me run my life, what added beauty and whimsey, and what I was even capable of and enjoyed spending my time adding in. I loved finding my perfect black pen and rotating through seasons of favorite color media and seeing how that changed the way I laid out my pages. Of course, they have changed a lot since they took over for the baby calendar, but I’m happy to say the base reasons I started journaling are still present and accounted for, streamlined and cuter than ever. My journals are my brain now, my monthly, weekly, and daily schedules, and the place to find my every to-do list, planning page, brainstorm, and doodle. I’ve even been known to glue a crossword puzzle in there from time to time when I find one in the paper the right size.

I use a standard A5 notebook with dot grid pages. It hits a great balance of structure vs open format for me, and works great for both writing or drawing. I tried a few different pen storage strategies, and the one that holds up the best and is the least pain in the butt to use is this simple pocket strap I sewed. I started with this tutorial, but tweaked my own version to lose the elastic so the corners don’t roll up. Sometimes I sew new ones just so the color matches a new notebook, they’re wicked easy:

https://www.sewcanshe.com/blog/2017/5/19/journaling-bookmark-and-pencil-holder-free-sewing-tutorial

This is how I’ve been laying them out: I start with 6 months of planner at the beginning. I sketch out a calendar grid for each month, followed by a full spread for photos and 4 full spreads for weekly/daily pages. I side tab the calendar pages, and then I’m about halfway through my book. After that, I put in an index and number all the following pages, usually winds up being around 70-80pgs. These are my list pages, art pages, fun pages… what a true bullet journaler (journalist?) would call “collections”. Some of them I always include in my journals: favorite recipes, addresses, books/shows/movies to get around to, meal ideas, craft project ideas, house projects that need doing, internet passwords, and a grid to track 6 months of bills. Most of them just show up as they become relevant: brainstorms, holiday planning lists, habit trackers, documenting major events like birthday parties or injuries.

I’ve found that if I get really stuck on something (which, if you know me at all, you can probably think of 30 examples from one week alone where I talk about the same project, problem, idea, or product constantly and obsessively) it can really help to just dump it all onto a journal page. But since my journal is also my constant project and the personal record of my existence, I like to take time with it and really put it in there on purpose. I think that helps to “honor” it a little so my brain can let go and stop obsessing quite so much.

I’m really glad I started doing this. It makes me feel like I’m putting myself into something, really representing myself as fully as possible to whomever comes along and looks through it. This feels silly to say, but I wonder if that’s how painters feel about their paintings and songwriters about their music. I also feel like I’m leaving something of myself to my kids, something they could look through when they’re snoopy and curious little preteens trying to understand what it means to be an adult or when I’m gone and they miss me.

Anyway, I love it when other people share their pages and layouts (thank you pinterest!), so here’s a little of how my current journal is looking:

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  calendar spread

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  calendar spread

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  photo highlights page

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  weekly spread with notes from each day

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  recipes

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  books/movies/shows

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  projects

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  my favorite! shit we currently love

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  puzzles and event planning

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  houseplant/pot obsession page

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Strap on with your bad self….

There are so many fun strap ideas online! Camera straps, guitar straps, bag straps… embroidered, patched, braided, macrame… I whipped one together this morning and aside from a brief squall where I couldn’t find a clasp end because my children were never more than 6″ away from my body the entire time, messing with everything, and probably did something with it without remembering (sigh. children and projects.), it was really simple! I do love that they want to hang out, though, and that they’re interested in what I’m working on. “Train up a child in the way they should go” and all that. Jo does my backstitching for me, and Dotty is my chief ironing assistant.

Sewing all the patches together involved SO much ironing, but totally worth it. Hardest part was pulling it through itself scrunchie-style. all that denim through the narrow tunnel was pretty tough, but doable. The clips were also tricky- the ones I had on hand were too large to get through the loops of my camera, but I found some tiny but strong jewelry split rings that would fit both. I wound up adding two lines of top stitching to keep it flatter, and I like how the width and thickness turned out.

Definitely looks like a Holly camera now, so: mission accomplished. Now I’m gonna go turn it on and figure out how the damn thing works 😉

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2020

What made you laugh the hardest this year?

Jocasta, hands down. The shit she says, and her tone. It’s all the stuff I’m not supposed to laugh at, lest I encourage such behavior and/or attitudes, but jesus christ she sounds just like an adult with the driest sense of humor and the most can’t-be-bothered outlook I have ever met (barring her father), but coming out of this hummingbird of a human.  

What is something important that you learned in 2020?

• I learned a lot about being white, about advantages I’ve always had that hadn’t ever sunk in because I was so married to my self-identity as a poor kid and a social underdog. I started learning ways I could respond to this new knowledge, stop internalizing the privilege quite so much, and teach a more balanced, accurate outlook to the kids in my world. I learned a lot more historical information about this country. 
• I learned some hard realities about the relationships in my life that haven’t felt…right. That some of my best memories and dearest plans were based in a friendship that I had apparently embellished in my mind to such a degree that I’ve literally had to mourn something that maybe never existed. I feel like a fool. There’s this kids church song from my childhood about building a house upon the rock vs building a house upon the sand that had something to do with jesus, I’m assuming, but I’m not sure what. I remember the hand motions exactly and the squishy splat we did when the wind blows and the house built on the sand falls apart flat. I built my vision of the future on some sand, it would seem. Only that future is currently my present and I need to find a new rock to build on, or cobble some together, or something. 
• I’ve learned my parents won’t live forever. They might not even live a long time. I don’t even know if I’ve exactly learned this yet, but I learned that I should probably start wrapping my head around it, that I should start making decisions and plans as if they could go at any time and I should give my girls as much time as possible with these amazing humans and the warm light of their love. 
• Similar, but I’ve also started learning a little more about the actual non-romanticized future of marrying a man so much older than me. He will get sick and hurt, in all those quiet ways that never get better and slowly get worse. The list of things he can do will get shorter and shorter, and worst of all, he will get that kind of old where he forgets things and stops acting like himself. And he will get there long, long before I do. What a lonely future I have coming for me someday. 

What was the single best thing that happened in 2020?

I can’t think of anything cleanly good or bad this year. Everything seemed like a messy, heaping pile of both. 

I loved the march, april, and may stretch for the amount of time my family was together, here at home and isolated from the world. Dotty soaked that time up like a healing sponge, starving from all the school transitions, uncertainties, and time apart we had had that winter. I got to slow down a little and get to know Jocasta, instead of multitasking her like an accessory all day while I played teacher and made the most of the little time Dotty and I had together. The potential impending apocalypse drew Niall and I together, as emergencies always do. And the girls and I got to invest real time into our yard for the first time since we moved in. I have never felt such a connection to place as I did then. Of course, the spring was also full of terrifying financial uncertainties, missing my parents terribly, absolutely no social outlets, being worn thin as thread by my children 24/7 with no actual help or self-care, and our daunting (exciting, challenging, new) and utterly unnatural attempt at a virtual preschool (and by “our”, of course, I mean “my” because that’s pretty much when I started doing all the heavy lifting at work). 

What was the single worst thing?

Every single time I lost it with my girls- every time I yelled, snapped, made them feel like pests, or just simply fell apart and sobbed in front of them while they tried in vain to make me feel better. It’s the worst feeling in the universe- whatever hard thing made me feel that way in the first place, compounded by the crushing guilt of punishing my children for it. Plus, nine times out of ten it’s because Niall and I are fighting, so they have that to deal with too.  I can see myself doing it in this weird third-person way the whole time, but I feel powerless to change anything about the situation, like a well run dry of motherness. Even thinking of it now hurts my heart like a dull throb and makes me hate myself. 

What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

 Hosting outdoor preschool by myself all summer. I can’t even say why exactly it was so challenging- I didn’t do that great of a job, it wasn’t that many kids, and we had an amazing space for it. I just had a remarkably hard time keeping it together emotionally the whole time. I felt abandoned by Heidi, isolated from anything or anyone that makes me feel like my own person, and crushed by this inescapable role as a caretaker of tiny humans. The summer was also full of protesting, of reading horrifying things in the news, of painfully letting go of the country I thought I lived in and constantly trying to learn, to grow, and to stop doing wrong things on accident. Also it was HARD on Dotty. Having the child of your heart fall utterly apart on you so violently and constantly exhausts everything resembling strength or patience  inside you. 

I wish I could go back and do it again, better. It was such an opportunity to see how I would run my own place and how I would use this space, but I just spent it so wrapped up in surviving it. 

What was an unexpected joy this past year?

 In all the upheavals at the preschool this year, there formed this sort of small “core” of families- the ones that needed the childcare to do their jobs, or felt more comfortable with the limited exposure, or just couldn’t survive without the social interactions. A lot of them were families that didn’t have extended family in town. That unlikely cohort got closer than they ever would have normally, and it was a mixed blessing but a blessing nonetheless. For awhile now, I feel like my girls have that kind of special long-term relationship that is based purely on circumstance- like you get with cousins or your parents’ friends’ kids. It makes my heart feel so full and I’m so sad that they will probably lose it next year. 

It seems like the parents would have had a similar experience where we became a support group for each other, but with everyone’s strong feelings about their varied exposure levels,  plus the actual emergency preschool rules keeping parents out of the school and away from each other, it hasn’t really worked out that way. There have been a few that have fought through that, though. M, for one. I have been as hugged as I have this year mostly due to M. She is an older, world travelled, educated Thai hippie. I don’t know what on earth we would have connected over any other year, but this year we both needed a village and there we were. Our families have had a few dinners together and shared our different lives; I’ve learned so much from her. J, too. She’s your standard outdoorsy midwestern transplant soccer mom that I probably would have dismissed any other year, but she’s also apparently passionate about social change and community involvement and not afraid to get her hands dirty or do some painful learning and growing. I admire her a great deal and her boys have become the sweetest big brothers for my girls. Unexpected joys for sure. 

What was an unexpected obstacle?

 My anxiety. Even when there’s not a problem, my stupid fucking brain will make one. And then render me incapable of coping with it. 

What was your proudest moment of 2020?

 This spring and summer, I feel like I really came through for preschool families with my time and my home and my heart. And this fall, I’ve been fighting my ass off for what I believe our families/kids need most from us. I feel like I have been tugging at those around me that might not otherwise to educate themselves about privilege and injustice and take action. I’m actively looking for actions to take, and taking them.  This year, I’ve learned a lot about what it means to me to be an advocate. 

What was the best book you read this year?

• Waking up white was an excellent book and gave me a lot to chew on, but gently
• I have had the Gunslinger series on my to-do list for at least 7 or 8 years, but never made it past the first dry-ass book. This year, I pushed through that sawdust and proceeded to blaze through them (as much as one can blaze through books when working and momming full time). They’re pretty great. Not my favorite Stephen King world ever, but I can see why it is for some people. 
• The Blue house and Sonya’s chickens are children’s books, but I discovered them this year and I love them with my whole heart. They are nearly perfect and the world is richer for having them in it. 
• I read the borrowers for the first time and I was really sad for my young self, having missed it. I would have fucking loved that shit so much and cobbled together a whole world for them out of what we didn’t used to call recycling back then. 
• Ya-yas in bloom and little altars everywhere were amazing. I couldn’t put them down and wanted more more more. They also broke my heart wide open with all the lifelong family-style friendships and female camaraderie and that particular mix of fabulous and raw that I miss so badly in my 30s. Reading them made me miss and crave and mourn and celebrate. It reaffirmed some of the values I want to pass along, lessons I want to teach my girls, experiences I want them to have, kinds of relationships to help them foster. I feel a little inadequate to pass along this particular kind of magic on my own, having only experienced it myself as a duet, but reading these books at least helps me stay connected to the feelings of it. 

What was your favorite movie that you saw in 2020?

I had to look and see what even came out. During the springtime quarantine, we instituted family movie night every saturday to break up the week a little, so our family’s kid movie viewing kinda skyrocketed this year.

• Star Wars IV: I yelled at the screen the whole time, it very nearly ruined star wars for Niall. He went through this whole process where he had to accept that they destroyed everything about his childhood hero’s character. He was seriously in a bad mood for weeks afterwards, maybe months. He stopped working on his models. It is thus far the worst thing to have happened to Star wars. Compared to this, Jar Jar Binks was Obi-wan Kenobe. 
• The Good Liar- really disappointing. Helen Mirren and Gandalf in a standoff of wit and tricky, I was so excited, but  it was utterly boring. 
• My Neighbor Totoro: don’t hate me, internet, but I was disappointed. Perhaps I should have seen this as my first Ghibli movie, because it had all the charm and oddity and art of all the Ghibli movies, but I liked others a lot more. Also Totoro scared the hell out of my kid with the giant screams and we had a very hard time getting her to stay in bed for awhile afterwards. 
• The Gentleman: exactly what we expected- fun. What’s-his-name with the jogging suits was really fun. 
• Frozen: truly  excellent movie, we’ve rewatched it a million times, memorized the soundtrack, and sing it constantly. Love Anna so much. Kristoff is the best. I wish Wandering Oaken was real. 
• Frozen II: great haunting music, darker and more serious, kept with the family themes and reasonable human approach to marriage and romance
• Arietty: love this. What a beautiful and fitting version of a phenomenal story. Go watch it. 
• Moana: LOVE. put it on right now, and i will sing every word and ball my eyes out. Love love love.
• Ponyo: LOVE. THIS. MOVIE. I can think of nothing bad to say about this movie and everyone should go watch it right now. The way the story mirrors the little mermaid just enough to feel like it’s fixing it, the absolutely perfect celebrity voices for the characters, the wonderful balance of explanation and mystery. It has all the Ghibli magic and humor and there is absolutely nothing scary, stressful, or remotely questionable for my sensitive child. 10/10

…I wish I had seen more grown-up movies, but movies always put Niall to sleep so it’s hard to talk him into them. This next year, I should just watch more movies on my own. 

What was your favorite tv show from 2020?

• Fleabag: loved it. wish there was more, but I’d prefer less seasons to bad seasons, especially of this. Absolutely loved Moriarty as the naughty priest. 
• Mrs Maisel: delightful! Little did I realize it was basically just Lorna and Boo (or did that come later?) set in that thing you do. 
• Downton Abbey: my only regret was watching this alone. This is literally all I did after the girls went to bed during the spring quarantine months. Downton abbey and knitting sweaters for my children. Like 4 whole sweaters. Even a glimpse of it will send me straight back to that bizarro-world time in my life, in my giant purple velvet chair, knitting and judging, judging and knitting. 
• Orange is the New Black: I laughed, I cried, I loved, I hated. I couldn’t sleep for one night because of the flashback scene of the shower murder in the men’s prison. *shudder* Screaming does it to me every time, man. I watched it obsessively just to get through it. And because I couldn’t stop. I really appreciated how they  took the final season and got really real with it. It was so sad, and I cried a lot, but more for the real people caught in the various systems of this fucked up country of ours than for the characters. Fuck the police. Fuck private prisons. FUCK ICE. I love Nichols so much and I might (MIGHT) just need to get another perm. 
• Mandelorian: one of the best things I’ve seen in a long time. It’s good even when it’s meh, it brings together nearly all of what star wars fans have loved about star wars all these years while simultaneously respecting the new flow. I especially love the way it deftly wove in beloved characters old and new to further interconnect and enrich the star wars universe. Dave Filoni is the beating heart of star wars, in my opinion. Everything he has done with it has been masterful and I have so much love in my heart when I think of how this show has brought everyone together after the near-universal heartbreak of the sequel trilogy. There is hope. Star wars is not dead. This is the way. 
• Gilmore Girls: I had no idea this was here! Bethany (one of my top 5 coworkers of all time, the baby whisperer that helped me get through both my infants, also one of my closest and best experiences with both LA millenials and femme lesbiens) was obsessed and quotes it constantly, but I assumed it wouldn’t be my thing because, you know, LA millennial and femme lesbian. Then Tab mentioned it on multiple occasions and I finally checked it out and I’m hooked! I do wonder though, what got Bethany into it? The pop culture references all point directly to my own early teendom, Bethany would have been like a little kid. Does she love it ironically? I don’t think so, I picked up on genuine love there… huh. I especially love Sookie and will be naming something after her at some point. I can’t help but picture going back in time and showing Melissa McCarthy her spoof of the Billy Eilish video. And maybe a couple SNL moments. I think she would really appreciate  how her public persona turned out. Also, has she aged at ALL? Jesus christ. Town troubadour for the win. 

What is something you accomplished this year that you are proud of?

 In addition to my proudest moment of 2020? I appreciate all the positive reinforcement there, survey. 

Uhm… I stayed married, employed, and kept alive all the tiny humans put in my charge this year. 

I made grape jam, a LOT of grape jam. And I’m gonna make even more next year and freeze it, it was so fucking good. I wish I had some right now. 

I knit sweaters- full, complete garments with sleeves and stripes and everything. 

 My journal. I know it’s silly, but that fucker just keeps getting better and better. Super proud of it. 

What is something that was hard for you at the start of the year, but is easy now?

Bathtime. The girls used to fight like crazy and splash half the damn water on the floor. Now they just bathe. 

Cutting Jocasta’s nails used to be like cirque de soleil, now she just needs a simple quick bribe- badda bing, badda boom. 

Making the good kind of barbie clothes- with tiny hemmed edges and velcro/snap closures (instead of old socks with strategically cut holes or hand-sewn jersey clothes with super stretched out necklines.)

Weathering Dotty’s flip-outs while staying calm instead of getting triggered and stressed by them.

Accepting Jocasta’s eating habits. Ha! Just kidding. Not easy at all. But easiER, I guess. I’m not really pacing or ranting about it anymore, just sadly sighing and trying really hard not to make sarcastic, defeated comments after throwing away more than half her dinner every night. 

Periods! I love my cup/disc and period underwear system so so so much. I seriously don’t really notice or mind being on my period anymore. Which is good, because sometimes I have two a month now. Makes me think of that part of Parks and Rec when they tell Knope that she has triplets because women her age’s ovaries sometimes have a “going out of business sale”. Did you know that pre-menopause can start in your 30s? Fucking delightful. 

Knowing what you know now, if you could write a letter to yourself that would travel back in time so that you would receive it at the start of the year, what advice would you give yourself?

 Go buy some toilet paper, yeast, and flour before it’s too late! 

Just kidding. I don’t know. Part of me thinks finding out about everything all at once would be too much to take in. I think of how we first found out, two weeks of school closures at a time, and even that felt like a jolt. The utter inability to plan anything more than a month out was really rough, too, though. 

I guess I would have to echo the wisdom of the hitchhiker’s guide: DON’T PANIC. 

(gods,  wish 2020 had come with its own hitchhiker’s guide…)

What did you do last year that you’d never done before?

 I ran an outdoor school in my yard for 3 months.

I did 2 months of virtual preschool circle times.

I let Niall pick out the  Christmas tree (and will henceforth every year- best one yet!)

I made signs and attended protests, marches, and sit-ins,  with and without my children.

I got tear-gassed, flash-bombed, and chased down by federal police.

I went camping with both my kids. 

I went camping with Miss Mia.

I performed with my ukulele in front of adults. 

I knit in cables. 

Processed 100% of the wood from a felled tree like a fucking boss, it’s been keeping us warm all winter

Built a play tunnel/cave out of vines and branches

Perfected my overnight wet set heatless curls method

Took baths with epsom salts (mmmmm….)

Sewed a bra. Kind of, and badly.

Polished off two entire bottles of champagne by myself (while three good friends watched and said nothing!)

Kicked my brother out of my house, like 3 or 4 times at least.

Rocked the whole baggy-ass overalls/sports bra thing with the confidence of a women in her 30s that doesn’t give a fuck. Hooray for exorcising old demons. 

Worked as tech support for children. 

What would you like to have this year that you lacked last year?

 A good couples counselor

Some kind of regularly occurring get together with adult friends

Houseplants

What do you wish you’d done more of?

 Karaoke (while I could, anyway)

Being fun and playing with my girls

Yardwork

Playing my ukulele

Virtual get togethers with friends

What do you wish you’d done less of?

 Watching reruns of things

Framing my problems around other people’s actions

Venting

Scrolling facebook and pinterest

Trying to get other people to eat

What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

 It’s hard to know with a year like this one. More time with friends, better anxiety and stress management strategies, maybe more takeout. Or just better takeout. 

How would you describe your personal fashion concept for last year?

 This year I was really mindful about interjecting more fun and interesting pieces back into my wardrobe. I wore fun and fabulous dangle earrings much more often, rarely wore solid colors on both top and bottom, and favored non-jeans whenever possible. I took the unflattering things I loved and wore them anyway. I leaned into the “strong look” and mismatched my happy lil’ ass off. I was barefoot like all summer long, which was amazing. 

What things do you appreciate most in your life at the moment?

 I appreciate hot water in all its wonderful forms, the eternal excellence of popcorn and cheese, my fireplace, smoked salmon, that my eldest loves to be helpful, that my mom never gets tired of me, and that I sleep like a dead person. I’m so grateful that I never get bored of being with Niall. 

Did you keep your New Year’s Resolutions of 2020?

 My resolutions last year were 1- no facebook at home, and 2- self care every day.

 I have made major strides to get off my phone and I’m very proud of that. Although I do still use facebook a lot for marketplace, I don’t feel badly about that because I have also been making major efforts to source everything secondhand that I can. The purpose of the resolution was to get me off my phone, and I’m calling that a yes. 

I have also gotten a lot better about self-care. Maybe not every single day, but I let Niall take on a lot more of the nightly chores so I tend to have more free time at night, which has been amazing.  The process of finding effective and doable things that help me reset emotionally to actually use that time successfully goes on. 

What are your New Year’s Resolutions for 2021?

Keep my houseplants thriving

Find more dinners that my whole family enjoys. Or at least willingly eats

Play an instrument most every day, get significantly better at the ukulele/guitar/piano

Find more activities that both feed my soul and include my girls 

Quit using amazon so much

Find new fiction authors to love

What song will always remind you of 2020?

•  It’s such a good feeling by Mr Rogers, because I would end every virtual circle time by playing that on the ukulele and hearing the kids sing together over their computers was the highlight of my whole day, every time. One parent said she could never get through hearing her kiddo sing the whole thing without crying. 
• It’s raining tacos, I’m blue (da-ba-dee), and bye bye bye, because my summertime crew of kids was completely obsessed with those for our frequent living room dance parties
• Into the unknown from frozen 2, and watching my girls learn the soul deep satisfaction of blasting off a huge, dramatic karaoke song in your big girl voice (while wailing to it myself in the kitchen)
• Purple hat by sofi tucker and the deep, guttural scream of excitement that inexplicably came from my tiny little child in the backseat every time i put it on in the car (“YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAS. TURN UP, TURN UP.)
• This is america by childish gambino. I didn’t discover it in 2020, but it sums up a lot of the feelings and learning I did this year. Also I listened to it and cried to it a lot. 
• The revolution will not be televised by gil scott heron. One of Niall’s and my protest playlist standbys. 

Create a phrase or statement to take into 2021.

Fuck the police. 

Spirit Animals for 2021

Fraggles

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send in the dolls

This is Red. She was my first rescue doll and we bonded. She gives me shit if I take myself too seriously, and doesn’t miss her long hair for a second.

I’ve been working on dolls again, prompted by Dotty’s pleas for a doll for Christmas this year. Last time I worked on dolls, I was mostly focused on Bratz dolls. The dramatic change in their faces is really fun, and their body shape is a little less… over the top. Also they have a lot more diverse racial representation. But the whole no-feet thing is a huge bummer and I never did land on a great solution for that. So now I have turned my gaze to Barbie classic (and similarly footed dolls). Modern ones have a lot more racial and body shape options now than there used to be (blow-up sex doll and…wait, that’s it). Although these newfangled ones haven’t all quite trickled down to the local thrift stores yet, I’ve been using my pandemic versions of thrift stores more lately anyway- Facebook Marketplace, eBay, and BuyNothing- and they’re findable there.

I’ve also been looking into other options besides a total face wipe. I was inspired by this image I found:

It’s basically just taking off the makeup with acetone Qtips and leaving the features. It’s tricky to get that close to the eyes without messing them up, especially since the acetone gets a little smeary. But I am encouraged by my first attempt! I used an Anna doll that I had in my thrifted stash from yesteryear. Her straight arms and legs and hard plastic everything made her a good “first doll” for Dotty, I think, and I’m hoping that I can individualize her enough so that Dotty doesn’t just see her as Anna. I didn’t get a before picture, but here’s my after:

I managed to leave the freckles, but the eyebrows fell victim to a rogue Qtip. Also, the top edges of the eyes got a little blurred. I used a fine tip sharpie to re-line them and bulked up the brows a little while I was at it. It’s not perfect, and the brown is a little dark, but I think she’s still cute without being over-the-top Disney-cute. It’s surprising how much makeup they start off with. Next time, I think I’ll try to be better and smoother about the eyes so I don’t have to re-line them. The darker brown made her look more made-up than I was going for. Perhaps I should look into a range of skin and hair tone fine tip sharpies… if there is such a thing…

But, since I am just getting this one doll ready for Christmas, let’s move on.

I have made doll clothes before, but impatiently and lazily- full of unhemmed edges and stretched out jersey necklines. This time, I wanted something that would be easier for a kiddo to put on and off, hold up well over time and use, and look more quality. I am also thinking about making a lot more of these in the future to gift/sell, and I want to have a good stash of patterns in my toolbelt that I can whip up and have them look really good. Here is what I’ve made so far:

I still used jersey fabric and just traced the doll for the pants- it works best for tight pants and leggings. I used old clothes of ours and tried to use the existing hems for waistbands, etc. The hardest part was the tiny, tedious hemming. Also darts- I sewed my first darts! The A-line dress has some “Barbie classic” sized darts, I think next time I’ll scale that back a bit, she is kinda swimming in that chest area. The poofy skirt was the easiest, by far. I followed a simple tutorial here:

froufy barbie skirt tutorial

Top left is the pattern I used for the green polka dot top, bottom left for the blue paisley one. The green skirt was just a rectangle with elastic sewn on, the tutorial with the measurements and tips is from the same website as the poofy skirt tutorial. They have a few other cute things I’m gonna try as well.

Whelp, that’s it for now. Next up: my sock-knitting shortcuts and the pair I’m making for mom for Christmas!

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to mull or not to mull…

I mulled some wine today.

It was… a lot like wine. Except warm, and toddyish.

Pros: feels fancy, is warm, makes me feel warm, gives me an excuse to use cloves and my vintage crockpot

Cons: cools off quick in a wine glass (to be fair, I am just about the slowest drinker this side of the mason-dixon line), not great for drinking alone, didn’t make the house smell as wonderful as I had expected

Would definitely make again for outdoor gatherings. You can put a crockpot on an extension cord, right?

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My Philosophy of Education Statement

Philosophy of Education

 

“Tell me and I forget. Show me and I remember. Involve me and I understand.”

-Chinese Proverb

 

“Play is the highest form of research.”

-Albert Einstein

 

I believe that all young children are intelligent and capable. The preschool years are a unique time in a child’s life and should be treasured not just for the immense potential they hold, but also the joy, wonder, curiosity, and expertise they already possess.

 

I believe that early education is a time for exploration and excitement about learning. Children’s natural curiosity and enthusiasm should guide the curriculum and experiences in the classroom. Children’s play should be the heart of their day at school.

 

I believe all children deserve a meaningful education that challenges and delights them across a wide range of content areas and experiences. Every child has unique needs, talents, and interests, and they all have a place in the classroom community.

 

I believe that the social and self-regulatory skills children learn in preschool are every bit as crucial as content knowledge and academic readiness.

 

I believe the role of a preschool teacher is that of a facilitator for children’s learning, as well as a co-learner along their journey. In the classroom, they act as a host and a supporter while children learn a variety of skills and information.

 

I believe that teachers of young children have a huge responsibility and privilege as professionals in an important field. Children are indeed our future and early educators play a critical role in introducing them to peers, social skills, learning habits, an educational community, and the beginning of their journey in school as as lifelong learner.

 

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RIP Bwana

Subject is a male water frog, approximately one inch in length, with a snubby nose and long, flappy legs. Has been positively ID’d as Bwana. Death is approximated to have occurred sometime between 2am and 10am on Wednesday, 8/29/12.

Was last seen in his tank where he lived with his three tankmates: a beta fish named Rocket who knew nothing of last nights events due to extreme narcissism, a tiger snail named Kurt who was verified to be in the next door goldfish tank during those hours, cleaning (alibi checks out with goldfish neighbors Vince and Howard), and a second water frog, Pockets, who was mysteriously missing during initial review and questioning.

The manner and cause of death remains unknown. The body was found to be stretched out near the bottom of the tank, encased in a sort of clear white fuzzy goo. As of now, I suspect foul play. There is a warrant out for the arrest of Pockets, should he be found.

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Upon further investigation (and a good thorough tank cleaning), Pockets was found to be hiding in the tank, although how he eluded previous searches is unknown. When questioned further, it became clear that he could not have been physically capable of producing the strange substance involved in the death of Bwana.

The leading theory at this point is tank scum, but since only one frog was affected, this theory cannot be proven and this case remains open, filed away permanently in (bum bum bum) the X-Files.

 

 

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